how long?

It's been 1 year almost 4 years since i've had this blog

wow

i need to keep up with the times!

haha :)

oh, happy days (revived)

These past three months have been so hard.

on my family,

on my friends,

and on me.

That's all I put now it's continued..

In the beginning of november, my grandfather was taken to the hospital ( a horrible one i might add) and had to have surgery then his dementia kicked in. He came home but he was so confused that he didn't know who me, my mother and my brothers were. It was sad to see him go but we knew that it was best because this busy family was trying so much and it didn't succeed. He went in and out of the hospital due to falling, breathing..we knew his condition was getting bad..finally on the day of new years eve, he passed on.

It was heartbreaking..It was sad, fearful, all the negative emotions for me. My grandpa was like my second father..he's been in my life for as long as i can remember and he'll always be in my heart...at 92 he lived a long great life and that's all i can do for now..he's in a better place not suffering..I keep moving..i went back to school recently and enrolled in an english class

I think i'm going to write the essays for my class on here..just for practice you know? Aside from that saturday morning hell, my weeks are filled with work..its crazy how much i hate work, but am blessed to have a job and have a paycheck :)

Spicy Food Wars

Ever since I was a little girl, I was a very picky eater. No seriously like i would probably choose chicken broth over a salmon dinner. These are the 5 things I won't eat

1. eggs

2. seafood

3. pickles

4. olives

5. fresh jalapenos

And there is WAY more. (I don't even like breakfast and ice cream..i know..WHAT IS WRONG WITHYOU??!?) Well I grew out of my picky eating phase a little bit and started to eat spicy food and then I discovered Jalapenos (the pickled kind.) Ohh how I put jalapenos on EVERYTHING..I loved it, better than curry..and curry's hot!

I'll even eat habanero once in a while but there is one spicy i will NOT eat..EVER..and yes it's number 5 up there..fresh jalapenos. It's wierd, yes, but I have a logical reason why haha..Well in the beginning of August I went to Honolulu, HI. When I saw that there was a jamaican restaurant I was dying to try it. So after i got my burrito, I asked for some jalapenos and he gave me fresh cut jalapenos. Of course I was stumped but I said hey, i'm on vacation i'll eat some. So when we got back to our room i took one teensy (but really stupidly huge) bite of the jalapeno and the late reaction came. Yes, it was hot obviously but it was so hot to the point where it made my whole face numb. Very unenjoyable. So I took it off my spicy list.

But there was a lesson in all this. I know what kind of spicy to eat now. Although I need to lay off on the spicy food, still love it and probably will be eating it all the time..burning the colon each time..

Story Time...Period.

For a few years I was on the shot. I got off it because my ass was not looking fly at all. I decided hey, i'm not having kids anytime soon so why not get off it? Well I got off it and that whole, "your period will come back in a year" thing is bullshit. My period (P.) came 3 months after..womp womp womp.

Ever since then, it's been regular and there but for the last 4 months, cramps came with it and me, i don't do cramps. They make me weak and throw up. The first time I threw up off my P. was embarrassing it was in Washington D.C....let me tell you the story actually!

Once upon a time...

A family from Los Angeles went to wreck havoc in Washington D.C. to meet with Aunt DD!

When I first got my P. I was 13 years old and it came with FULL FORCE. I was sweating, cramping, crying, on the floor it was that bad. It was that bad until happy pills (midol) made them better. In the summer before my 8th grade year, We traveled to D.C. At the time, I wasn't thinking about my P. I was just happy to be out of L.A. for a few weeks so I came with no happy pills, diapers, nothing. Yeah, that's how much it was out of my mind.

One morning, I woke up went to the bathroom, looked, yelled (in a low voice) crap,sh*t,f**k,more profanities and told my mom. She thought I was faking it. Like always. Asked DD for some diapers and I took them. She wanted to take us to the air and space museum so off we went. We went to walk around and eat first and once we got inside, that's when it hit.

I was looking at a fighter plane and all of a sudden, I felt that little hidden pain on my abdomen. I couldn't fight it anymore. I held my stomach and cramped over, literally. I walked away to find a chair, wall anything to curl up because it was THAT BAD. Finally, I was on the floor against a wall in a little ball sweating and crying. My mom gave me water and I drank that water like I was in the desert. DD didn't know what was going on she thought I was dehydrated and I said "oh it's just my period this always happens." Once I got up I felt like my stomach flipped upside down and I asked my Aunt to go with me to the bathroom. We all went and right when I saw the toilet. There it went. All my water, and breakfast in the toilet. in a big (VERY BIG) public restroom at the Smithsonian. I didn't even close the stall door, it came up so fast I just ran and barfed very publicly.

I was so embarrassed everyone just looked at me like I ate poison. DD said in a questioning tone "You throw up because of your menstrual?" I felt like i was the only girl who had this problem I didn't know what to say I just wanted to go home. I walked out of that bathroom like I was defeated or something. She told my cousins and i was so mortified I wanted to run back to L.A. ! Ever since that traumitizing experience I have learned to keep it down...even though it has publicly happened 3 times (when i was sober) but those stories are for later.

My point is, I thought i was the only one with this problem and I actually found out 4 girls I know have the same problem as me! I mean, I met one who threw up over her P. but it was ok, I felt like she was on the same boat as me.

People may have different side effects but no one is alone in this world.

Flaws

Everyone has flaws. It could be, too much fat on your thighs, your unibrow growing in, even looking under the chin which has been my thing lately. My point is, most people need to see past their flaws

I look at myself in the mirror and i'm always picking out my face. ALL.THE.TIME. It's been a habit of mines since pimples entered my face. At first, i would just put cream and eyeliner that was it. But i realized that as i got older those pretty little pimples i used to pick out turned into baby scars then ugly red marks that make me look like i tweezed my face.

Then the eyebrows...oh lawdy lawd do NOT start with the eyebrows...Growing up i had a pretty good shape with my eyebrows but the bad thing was it was bushy, too bushy, i even had hair in the middle, I didn't like looking like uni-lady. I shaved my eyebrows off in middle school and drew on them even with pen sometimes (seriously.) and ever since then, my eyebrows have grown bushy and uneven. So i know, you ask why don't you get them waxed? Well I did twice and they grew out even worse so I just stuck to tweezing but tweezing my eyebrows readers, is like painting a picture...has to be even and perfect.

Now that I am 22, I put foundation, fake lashes, (i screwed up my beautiful long lashes with 99 cents mascara for the past 9 years and they are gone. boo.),draw, paint, pluck my brows and the whole 9 yards. It's kind of sad because I really don't know how to put foundation on or blush or any of that. I wasn't really into face makeup just eye make-up I feel like i'm 13 again.

But, my big flaws are my face,the marks on my face, the ADULT ACNE that is eating my face...and the under chin because yeah, that needs to go before june.

But hey, everyone has their flaws now excuse me while i watch a tutorial on youtube on how to put foundation on ;]

Stupid Medi-cal

Is it even called that anymore? I keep getting letters saying it changed..well anyways this is war #8 for Medi-cal. I swear ever since I got pregnant, I've had a problem with medi-cal. Actually that's a little drastic. When I was pregnant up to when Jaz was 1, i've had good run ins with medi-cal. Up until they started changing the coverages and sending me to clinics, then it was on.

For me, medical insurance is pretty hard to get and is also in deep shit. It's a tough thing to weigh out. If i could, i would totally protest and walk out because of medi-cal but because this man owns it, it's not really easy. hehe.

So now my new war is renewal. Before, Renewal was every September Then June, for a while it was just September. So I filled the September and sent it. Then I get a letter yesterday saying they're going to terminate my medi-cal due to not renewing it in January. WHAT? Since WHEN did i have to renew it in January? Maybe i'm behind guys but this was a surprise for me.

Now i have to go into the battlefield and take on these lame people to keep my insurance

sigh.

Blast from the Past

Last night when I came home, I went online and found old pictures from middle school and high school. Thank god I wasn't in any of them. I know I sound harsh and like those old hags who hate everyone, well growing up in my tween and teen years weren't really fun for me until my senior year. It's not that I hated school and the people around me I just learned how to put my guard up. When i was growing up, I was a pretty good kid. When I got into middle school I loved it! I felt so grown up about to make new friends. Then when I was 12 my dad died.

I remember it was the week before going back to school. I was devastated, shocked, couldn't cry but all I remembered was I didn't want anyone knowing when I went back to school I wanted to be the one to tell my friends and teachers. Well that bit me on my butt, I remember going to school and to me, it felt like EVERYONE knew they said sorry to me, condolences, anything I could do, and I even found out my own math teacher told the whole class. My god I was mad! To me, it was like don't get into my personal business. After that depressing January, I just learned how to shut up, not make friends, go my own way. I outcasted myself because I felt like the only girl who lost her dad. Everyone always talked about their dad and it made me feel left out. I just isolated. But what i learned now, which I should have learned before, was it was better to talk and let everything out. If i did that back then instead of being so angry and holding everything in, I think some things would be different.

Throughout my middle school and high school years I took accustom to bad things thinking it will make everything better. It did make everything better to me, I didn't care, I was in my own world, I didn't have to talk or try to socialize with everyone. I was usually behind the computer screen after school instead of the junior dance I just saw no interest in interacting with people who didn't really want to interact with me. I remember going to my cousins a lot in middle school because she was the next thing to being a sister to me at the time. I made friends at her school and I loved them. They didn't judge me and they had the same problems as me.

When I entered high school I hated it even more. I'm really not an anti-social hatred person it's just the people around me and how I was desperate for change. I really wanted to go to my cousins school because I had a lot of friends there too but I stayed in my high school and after a while my freshman year I still hated it I wanted to get out so bad so i just kept ditching or never did the work. I also noticed I don't have a lot of pictures from high school just the ones on the last day and never came back. I hate saying it now cause i'm older, but I should have just stayed. Although I had beef with that grrBITCHgrr, I should have just ignored it...or punched her in the face...no that would be bad..maybe just ignored it and I would have done fine.

But i'm actually really glad I left because my senior year was the best year for me. I let the 5 years of anti-socializing and bad things get behind me and became my old self again. I loved it! I met so many wonderful people along the way and even graduated a month before the school ended! I don't have regrets from middle school or high school I met a lot of really cool and honest people growing up and am glad I have contact with them. But what i'm trying to get at is when something really bad goes on in your life, don't put your guard up and shut everyone out because then you won't have a chance to live life and embrace it. I spent most of my tween years out doing bad things and behind the computer screen thinking it helped me and the only thing i learned out of it was to hack websites haha. But now that I am older, I am more sociable and open to conversations.

Let's hope Jaz is the same.

Fresh Start

It's been a while since i've blogged. 4 months actually. Well here is the deal,

1.) i forgot my password...yes i know, how irresponsible! how could you abandoned your blog like that?! Well ever since i knew how to use the computer, i have used the same password since. Well it's 2010 it's not that easy anymore so i guess i forgot a

bout the extra words/numbers in my password.

2.) It's hard to write about anything anymore. When I was 13 i had a blog but we called it Xanga. Yes, my Xanga is still operating but i need to shut it down because now i have switched to blog

spot! Don't get me wrong I love Xanga, it's my baby, my life, i wrote about EVERYTHING in that blog from when i was having BF trouble to having a baby. On my last posts I talked about how trying to start a blog on Xanga was hard. How do you go from talking about your 13 year old crush to doing a newstory? I felt i needed a change, but my sanctuary was to laugh at myself uncontrollably cause I uze To tYpE lYkE DiZ wEn I wHuZ 14 oBer muH BoYfRaNhh! hahaha but my point is i don't know what to write. Sometimes i'll post something

and save it forever because i think to myself, do these people really care? Why does someone want to hear about my baby daddy drama and cussing out the Unemployment lady? I read all kinds of blogs, funny blogs, sad blogs, inspirational blogs but it makes me think, as a writer, yes i

still consider myself a writer, what can i write about? But i came to the conclusion to just be mys

elf. go ahead and read and criticize it's on! hehe

3.) change. Last year i tried writing and as i said before, i wanted to TRY and be an advocate for single young moms...well Bristol palin and Teen Mom already beat me to that so..i will do it blog form!! haha. Yes, i am still going to TRY and do the sam

e thing but the only way i can do it now is to tell my story and help other if they want the help. People ask me everyday questions about raising a 3-year-old on my own so i decided to do it here on my blog

well that's about it i am back, again and i will be updating alot! But for now, i would like to start

over.

Hello World! my name is Stace G. this is me and my daughter Jazmin Amber.

I am 22 years old and a full time student at the local CC. Since July 2008, I've been work for the School District as...guess?

Yes, you see the apron, the lunch lady. I know sexy right? I was going to quit my job but like always, my amazing boyfriend motivated me to go on. Anyways I love working with kids but my real passion is to be on the radio. I was very undecided but now i am BOUND to be on the radio! I love Art Leboe, Big Boy, Ryan Seacrest (only on the radio not on american idol! Sorry Ryan ;]) Anywho, it's a career i'm trying to make. This blog is just about me and my crazy life. I also love helping people out hopefully

i can do posts that can help people =]. I believe in determination. Lately my thing has been weight. That's everyone's problem in my eyes. I just want to be fit. I am only 5 feet tall but i feel like for being short, i should keep myself on check and not have a big old pansa haha. So my

goal this summer..to get like this again.

October 2007-95 lbs.

Goal Weight-95

my goal is to lose at least 10 pounds.

To most people, that sounds stupid. I know your thinking psh 10 pounds? That's it? Your crazy! But for me, it's hard. I have to have a lot of motivation and inspiration to get up and go and that's why I have this little brat who keeps me going and will inspire me<3

December please be better.

I can't believe it's the first of the month.  Aside from missing my court date *cough* *cough*, This month better be better then the last month.  This past year has been so crazy for me and November has been the worst next to September.  First, I get jumped from school to school for my job then when I settled into a new school that I absolutely loved and wanted to come back to, they switched me to the worst.  

I had the worst school with the worst manager and wanted to shoot her and her workers (not literally.)  Then my uncle dies and the whole family put aside the drama that has been unfolding for the past decade to act nice to each other.  After that, I get smack from the school i volunteer at and at my jobs headquarters I decided to quit.

yes, quit.

It was a hard decision for me.  This was the longest job that I have worked for in January it will be a year and a half.  Then suddenly a light came to me but i decided to put off the day I started to spend time with my daughter plus I never heard of the school.  So today when I went in, I loved it!  I wasn't the only sub at the school all of them were subs and the school was great!  I didn't even hear about it.  So since the light shined on me on the first of december, i am hoping that this month will be better.  My birthday in 15 days, christmas in 25, new years eve in 31 yeah you get the point.

Throughout it all I just have to look ahead and get my things done.

Virus

These last few days i question on who to trust and who to go to.  It seems that everywhere I go there is always that angry bitter person that takes out their frustrations on me.

I learned to be a fighter and not get into the whole getting you back act.

Aside from that, my boyfriends lovely beautiful niece was telling me about how she felt sick and she was throwing up and all that fun stuff.  I felt bad for her i told her to feel better.

Now i have her virus and now it's HER telling ME to feel better.

I am not looking forward to this Thanksgiving.  I thought i would be me and my boyfriend planned it all well.  Go to his mom's first then my family's go to a friends house and have some fun that was our plan.  But on November 19, 2009 my uncle Eric died.  I wish i had a picture with him, i wish i saw him before he was dying.  I found out like 4 days later what kind of person does that?

This whole week is going to be insane.  Tomorrow is the viewing, then thanksgiving and a funeral on Friday. Uncle Bebe was a great person to me he was so good to me when the rest of my family hated me.  When my mom told me that she saw him last Tuesday, I felt jealous.  I wanted to go and see him and hug him and tell him not to be afraid but i didn't.  I was out doing I don't know what and I am kicking myself for it.

But on a brighter note maybe this week is just a celebration of his life.

So since it isn't new that i put up a post once a week or every two weeks but if i am on leave for a long time..blame the virus

although, i am eating some tomato soup and chips and it is making me feel better.

night internet